The Fall of Advertising- Worst Commercial Ever

There is a theory that states, "You can never underestimate your audience." Basically, it means that no matter how stupid you make something, it's impossible for it to be too stupid because someone out there will enjoy it no matter what. I offer this commercial as evidence that while something may seem unfathomably stupid, others will enjoy it:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dt14tsC2c9E

Well, there you have a commercial that's stupid, pointless, unrelated to what's being advertised, and kinda gross. And yet, true to the theory, there are people out there who still enjoy it. How people can find a video of an actress farting in a car funny, i don't know, but they do.

Oh, and here's a fact that's even more revolting than the actual commercial: that fart is real, not edited in. That makes the commercial stupid on a whole new level, because apparently you can't underestimate the people who make commercials either. Although, it must have taken some effort and skill to find an actress who could fart that loud, plus be willing to do it in front of a camera, so I guess the commercial wasn't completely devoid of effort.

Also, in addition to proving the "Dumb Audience" theory, this is proof against all those stupid people who think that girls don't fart, or that when girls do fart it smells like cinnamon and roses, so despite being stupid and disgusting, it ironically proves two things.

Monkey-farm judgement: negative-2 out of five, because this commercial is below getting a zero.

...man, what did that actress eat? and do i really want to know?

The Answer!

Today I decided to find the answer to one of the most challenging questions mankind has ever faced:

It takes 208 licks to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop.

Zombie DVDs

A couple of reviews of DVDs I've bought recently of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead, the classic trilogy of zombie movies made by George A. Romero (there's a fourth movie, Land of the Dead, but I don't own a copy of it to review).

Night of the Living Dead-Millennium Edition

Although only containing one disc, this DVD offers an enjoyable selection of extras, including trailers, commentaries, interviews, image galleries,

a spoof of the film called Night of the Living Bread, and some notes about the film by Stephen King that make an interesting, although short, read. Also noteworthy is the DVDs consistent theme of a graveyard, and the colors red and gray. All of the menus, the DVD cover, the disc cover, and the page of notes all match each other perfectly. Not the best DVD out there, but closer to best than it is to worst.

***1/2 out of 5

Dawn of the Dead- Ultimate Edition

Ultimate is the definitely the word to decribe this four-discs-and-a-comic-book-and-a-map-the-filming-location combination that tries to pass a DVD. There are so many extra things in this set besides the four discs its hard to still call this thing a DVD, but who's complaining? With three completely different versions of the movie (U.S. version, European version, and Extended Version) and a disc of documentaries, plus the first chapter of the comic-book adaptation of the film, this set is hard to beat in terms of size and quality.

****1/2 out of 5

Day of the Dead-Ultimate Edition

Although not quite as ultimate as the Dawn of the Dead Ultimate Edition, this DVD definitely isn't bad. It's got a healthy amount of extras on its two discs, and comes with a essay on the film thats modeled to look like a notebook that one the films characters keeps. A very nice DVD of a horrificly violent movie.

**** out of 5

Our family grows...

And by family, I mean DVD collection. The number of DVDs I own has been spiraling out of control lately. Ever since that wonderful epiphany in which I realized that not all of the movies in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart were bad, I've added four of them to my ranks (Big Trouble in Little China, Escape from New York, Escape from L.A., and Bram Stoker's Dracula). But not only cheap DVDs; Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead are the two most recent editions to my non-$5 DVDs.

Some horror movies you should see this month (^_^)

Seeing as how its October already, I've decided to make a list of horror movies that EVERYONE has to see. Here they are, in no particular order:

Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Dawn of the Dead (1979)
Day of the Dead (1985)
Land of the Dead (2005)
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)
Ghostbusters (1984)
Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
Psycho (1960)
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
The Birds (1963)
Alien (1979)
The Last Man on Earth (1964)

I'm Still Runnin' this Monkey Farm!

I know that this my my first post in like, three weeks, but since no one really reads this thing I don't really care too much. If you really do read this blog and think I died or something, don't worry. I'm still runnin' this Monkey Farm!

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

I've just rented Metroid Prime 3 for the Wii, and the only word I can think of to describe it is "incredible". Okay, so there are another 6 paragraphs of words used to describe it in this post, but you know what I mean.

The controls are amazing. I really wonder what those fools were thinking when they made Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, when the Wii Remote or Wiimote is capable of such complex movements. Twilight Princess offered the following movements of the Wiimote: swing it to perform a pre-programed sword swing, aim it to fire your bow, slingshot, clawshot, ect., and move it around as a cursor on menus. C'mon Nintendo. We saw that coming. It just feels so generic and unthoughtful. You disgrace the concept of updating video games.

Metroid Prime 3, on the other hand, is simply astonishing. You begin the game in the cockpit of a gunship, looking through Samus' visor. You can point the Wiimote at different control panels and press A to zoom in on them. But once you zoom in, Samus' left hand appears on the screen with her index finger extended, and you control her hand with the Wiimote, moving it around to different switches and touch-screens. And when the time comes to pull a lever, guess what? You really put the Wiimote out to reach, press A to grab, then pull back on it. On the Screen, Samus's hand reaches out, grabs, and pulls the lever back.

Shooting is amazing, as it is an incredible system that allows you to run, jump, double-jump, strafe or turn, and look up or down while your shooting enemies and dodging their shots.

It's also fun to use the grapple beam by jutting the Nunchuk forward to launch it, then jerk the Nunchuk back to reel it in.

But of course good controls don't make an entirely good game. Luckily, Metroid has a fairly good graphics level, with details such as the reflection of Samus' eyes in her visor which actually move to follow where the Wiimote is facing, and isn't ridiculously hard so that you have to be some kind of war god to be able to play or so easy that you get bored playing it. This is the first game that I've played in a very long time that didn't bore me or make me so frustrated i tried throwing my controller into the TV screen and missing in my haste and fury. Plus turning into the morph ball and rolling around is just fun.

And finally there are the enemies. Nothing too spectacular. A bunch of bizarre aliens running around shooting at you. It really hasn't changed since the first Metroid game, the way the morph ball and doors that have to be shot open haven't. Oh, and the first boss looks like someone took parts from the thing from the Alien movies, Orga from Godzilla 2000, and Diamondhead from that retarded show Ben 10, stitched them together, then put the result on steroids and cut off its supply of breath mints.

Monkey farm Judgement:
5 out of 5

More about Watchmen

Characters of Watchmen:

Heroes of Watchmen:
The Minutemen:
Captain Metropolis
Hooded Justice
Nite-Owl I
Silk Spectre I
The Comedian
Mothman
Dollar Bill
The Silhouette

The Criembusters:
Captain Metropolis
Dr. Manhattan
Nite-Owl II
Silk Spectre II
The Comedian
Ozymandius
Rorschach Question, Mr. A

Big Touble in Little China: the best worst movie ever

If there was ever a movie that really was so bad that it was good, then it would be Big Trouble in Little China. The special effects, dialogue, directing, plot, and acting (0r lack of acting, I should say) are so absurd that one can't help but wonder why this movie was even made. And yet this madhouse of a film never gets old and never loses its cheesy charm.

The film starts with an old man named Egg Shen trying to hire a lawyer because of something that has to do with "half a city block exploding in a ball of green flames".Egg Shen insists that the lawyer must beleive in magic, then proves that magic in real by creating a bolt of electricity appear between his hands. This short introduction has NOTHING to do with the rest of the film, save for Egg Shen, who is later a character.

Now we are introduced to Jack Burton (played by Kurt Russel), a truck driver whose friend Wang Chi is about to be married to the green eyed Miao Yin. Miao Yin is kidnapped as soon as she arrives at the Los Angeles airport (she has jsut come from China), so Jack and Wang follow her abducters into Chinatown.

From here, things just keep getting stranger. It turns out a 2,000 year old being known as David Lo Pan has a curse upon him, making it so that he has no flesh, and can only temporarily reside in an ancient, crippled body before turning back into a spirit.The only way to return to his true form is to marry a girl with green eyes, then sacrifice her to a god. He wants to marry Miao Yin, but does not want her to be sacrificed, so he is wating until he finds two green-eyed girls; one to love, on eto sacfifice.

Jack and Wang, as well as the mysterious Egg Shen who drives a tour bus yet is adapt at magic, a lawyer named Gracey Law (played by Kim Catrall) who also happens to have to green eyes, and a hilarious collection of supporting characters are now entangled in this absurd legend, and the fun never stops.

Perhaps the best part of the movie are the Three Storms, a trio of sorcerers/martial artists who serve Lo Pan. They are Thunder, Rain, and Lightining. Rain (my favorite character from the movie) provides the funniest moment in the enitre movie, which has to be seen to be believed, so I won't go into details.

MonkeyFarm Judgement:
5 out of 5. (Not really. More like negative 7)

DAWN OF THE DUMB - Watchmen Review

Well, I've got this blog now, but I have a problem: I have absolutely nothing to put on it.

I've just finished reading Watchmen, a 384-page graphic novel back from 1986-87. It's the greatest super-hero story ever, in my opinion, and I can't wait to read it again. The heroes are really some of the only heroes in comics that are realistic. They're not like Super-man, who shows up, beats the living crap out of normal humans, then leaves while people admire him. In fact, most of these heroes except two don't even have powers!These heroes quickly begin to suffer from their brightly-clad career choices. The police quit their jobs because they believe the super-heroes, or 'Masks', have made them obsolete. With no police, New York City falls into total chaos as mobs and fires spread. And from the viewpoints of the few people with sense left, it's the super-heroes' fault.

Most of the characters are extremely realistic, heroes and civilians alike. The heroes suffer severe problems, because in real life, beating guys up while wearing neon tights sure would screw some people up. Also, the writer wasn't afraid to kill off heroes. If you're a guy who makes a living out of throwing people in jail, you're gonna make some very bad enemies; the likelihood of your death begins to grow.

Of course, Watchmen isn't without its flaws. A few of the characters, the female heroes in particular, seem to be there just to reveal plot points, and don't really have notable personalities.

Monkeyfarm Judgement:

4.5 out of 5.